So I’ve really come to loathe public transportation… And more specifically, the MTA. Now, this hasn’t always been the case. There was a point when I first arrived in NYC where the morning aroma of dehydrated-homelessperson-pee got me excited to start the day (there really is nothing like a slap in the face with human amonia to wake you up). There was a time when I was excited about the people watching I was going to partake in every time I took the subway (only public transpo can give you that much of a confidence boost on a daily basis).
But like all most good things, it came to an end after: a) witnessing people puking, b) being accosted on a daily basis by someone drunkenly stumbling into people asking for money and rubbing their pee-pee odor all over everyone, c) breaking into furious sweats from standing in a non-ventilated subway station and ruining my hair/makeup/clothes, and d) enduring back/leg pain from having to stand for 45 minutes with heavy bags/purses while waiting for the train because I can’t sit on the benches because I might catch bed bugs.
So now that I work in the Brooklyn Navy Yard, my transportation options are: One) I can take the G train and then walk 20 minutes (this isn’t that bad unless it’s raining, hot, cold, or snowing) or Two) I can take the B69 which drops me off 3 blocks away from the Studio. The bus options seems like it would easily be the best but, unfortunately, it sucks harder than that chocolate tube that saw the demise of one, Augustus Gloop. The bus never runs on a regular schedule so it’s always a crapshoot as to whether or not you’ll get to work on time or possibly, 45 minutes late.
So after that little rant (I could go on… and don’t worry, there will be future posts regarding the MTA), here is my little diddy about a B69 trip.
So now that school has started, the bus REALLY sucks. Now the bus becomes overcrowded with… teenagers (shiver). So I get on the bus and it’s a new bus driver who obviously has a shared disdain for teenagers. Case in point: whenever a student would get on the bus who didn’t have their school bus pass, he would hold them up until they figured out the “magic password phrase” which was “Good morning sir, please pardon my gaffe but it appears that I do not have my bus pass with me on this fine morning. If you would be so kind, may I please ride your beautifully maintained bus?”
This happened a good 8 or so times so we quickly started to fall behind schedule.
THEN, we came to a stop that had a bunch of people and the bus driver asked everyone who was standing in the center aisle to go as far back to the bus as possible so we could accommodate everyone who was waiting at the bus stop. Well, some pleasant young lad (young Buck) in the back of the bus decided that he didn’t want to move his legs to allow people to move back. An older gentlemen (old Buck) sitting a few seats in front of him saw what was going on and started telling the kid to move his legs. Young Buck wasn’t having any of it and told Old Buck to turn around and sit down. Well, Old Buck wasn’t going to take ANY lip from some punk ass teenager and stands up and starts telling Young Buck that he is going to move his legs RIGHT NOW or he will hop back there and SPANK HIM!
This continued for a few minutes… meanwhile, the bus is not moving and finally the bus driver stands up, gets on his big-boy-bus-driver microphone and says, “All you school kids! Leave that man alone! He works for the city and he will throw all of you in jail if you do not leave him alone! I will kick you all off of this bus now leave him alone!”
… I’m already 15 minutes late to work and we’re a good 10 minutes away from my stop.
Finally, Young Buck decides he’s filled his attention quota for 8am and let’s everyone in the bus pile to the back. Meanwhile, I’m sitting next to a woman who smells like McDonald’s breakfast platter and cursing the fact that I sold my car to be able to afford… wait for it… one month’s rent.
So the whole time this is going on… I can’t help but be slightly amused because this youtube video keeps running through my mind:
And I’m sad that someone thought of this before me: peopleofpublictransit.com