So if you love bacon, 5 Guys, and appreciate the subtleties of the perfect burger experience… you gots ta watch dis!
DAYUM!!! And then it was autotuned… YEP. AUTOTUNED TO PERFECTION AND I CAN’T STOP LISTENING!!
I. HATE. PREDICTIVE. ADVERTISING. It’s like facebook can see straight into my mind. Not. OK. (I, Money Ovah, really like punctuation today.)
Here’s a closeup of that pic in case you can’t see it.
A) Have I really looked up bacon and cheeseburgers so often on my computer that it recognizes I have an unhealthy appreciation for fast food?!
B) THERE IS NO WAY TO ANSWER THIS QUESTION! Baconator vs. Bacon Deluxe?! This is one of those classic questions that will never be answered like “Which came first, the chicken or the egg?” or “How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?” or “Why is Lindsay Lohan still allowed to be alive?”
UPDATE: My friend just informed me that while I get fast food advertisements, he gets gay sex ads on his facebook… awesome.
Yay Bacon Salt!
Of course there’d be baconnaise… because regular mayonaise was just too healthy. Oh but wait! There’s a Baconnaise Lite for those of you who only want one heart attack this year.
I might stick with that large barrell of regular, cheddar, and caramel popcorn. But… thanks.
Because bacon bits was too much trouble. Just another jar to open. “I mean I’m lazy, but… I wanna meet the guy who needs that. Some guy going, “You know I could go for a salad, but uh, I’m not gonna open TWO jars! I can’t be opening and closing all kinds of jars… cleaning, who KNOWS how many knives!?” … okay so maybe that’s not exacty how the Brian Regan qutoe goes but whatever… YOU TOO!
I give you to… JD’s Bacon Lip Balm
Now at first glance I thought this was brilliant because I love all things bacon. However, I started to think about it and this has disaster written all over it.
Imagine the people who are going to buy this… probably bacon connoisseurs… and they more than likely look like this:
Now imagine that guy with gleaming lips courtesy of his bacon lip balm… walking around constantly licking his lips… more than likely pushing his tongue to the far reaches of his face. He’s bound to start to drool and start sweating because a) he’s massive b) he’s embarrassed he’s drooling and c) he’s Jabba.
This chick paints her nails in a different way everyday and blogs about it. The latest style is bacon.
If only they were bacon flavored! Nothing like bacon flavored nail bitings to really get you movin in the morning.
…I think I just vomited in my mouth a little bit. It was either vomit or excitement… I get confused between the two. Too many Mike’s Hard Lemonades have really messed up my ability to differentiate between the two.
The blurb written on the back of this bar says:
Breathe…engage your five senses, close your eyes and inhale deeply. Be in the present moment, notice the color of the chocolate, the glossy shine. Rub your thumb over the chocolate bar to release the aromas of smoked applewood bacon flirting with deep milk chocolate. Snap off just a tiny piece and place it in your mouth, let the lust of salt and sweet coat your tongue.
After reading this for the first time I wasn’t sure if I was about to vomit all over my “Barack-in and Ba-rollin” t-shirt.. or immediately break-up with my boyfriend and vow my life and soul to this creation. After deciding to put all questions aside and try this unimaginable concoction, I discovered that I was wrong on both counts: It just left me confused and crying in the corner of my room unable to make sense of the world.
This just goes to show that bacon IS the world’s most provocative meat product ever.