So I’ve been really missing my dear sweet kitty, Fannie. For those of you who don’t know, her life came to a sudden end when she went hunting one night, and took on a mountain lion with nothing but a bobby pin and the determination of Chuck Norris. It was an epic battle with lots of circling, snapping, and dancing… much like the epic fight that happened with the Jets and the People I Don’t Care About Because They Weren’t The Jets in West Side Story. (In all actuality, she probably ran away and is living with a nice elderly couple that has a plethora of cicadas for her to chase in the yard.)
Anywayz… I had a dream last night that I found the MOST AWESOME CAT IN THE WORLD… a weird statement because most cats suck major asshole. THIS cat however, was half domestic cat… half LYNX! It. Was. Awesome. It was feisty and would play fetch and do other lynxy stuff. It was SO awesome that I decided the only way to make this cat even better… was to pierce it’s tongue… OBVIOUSLY. So I picked out the classiest emerald stud to shove into her fleshy bit and did the deed. Everything was going well until I realized that.. oh shit… my landlord doesn’t allow pets, let alone half lynx pets. And OH YEAH.. I was moving across the country so it totally didn’t make sense for me to have a cat. So, after much consideration and with much pain in my heart… I walked up to my cat/lynx to tell it that I was going to have to return it to it’s cat-lynx breeder. As I approached the cat, it turned into my young brother (yeah…) and I had to break his little cat/lynx/brother heart by telling him I had to return him.
He still had a pierced tongue.