Monthly Archives: April 2010

The Daily Beast’s “Most Corrupt Professions”

The Daily Beast put out a slideshow of the “Most Corrupt Professions” and after looking at it… I think the only thing left is teaching. Cool.

Here is the link: http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2010-04-28/the-most-corrupt-professions/?cid=hp:mainpromo7#gallery=1564;page=1

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Boobquake 2010

So in the wake of Iranian cleric Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi stating that “[m]any women who do not dress modestly lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which increases earthquakes,” a young blogger/scientist decided that she would conduct a little experiment. On April 26, she called for all women to dress as immodestly as they desired for Boobquake 2010 to see if there was any seismic differences in the world. Of course, the world did not implode from extra boobage, but it did shake the media as thousands (not sure if this is correct – it’s too much work to google an actual number) of women participated.

Check out this link to watch videos of “the liveliest protest since the Boston Tea Party”.

After reading this I couldn’t help but be reminded of the time in high school when I told my mother I was going to eat lunch at Hooters with my boyfriend and some of our friends. Being the feminist that she is, she was horrified that I would go to such an establishment and told me that I was forbidden to go unless I went upstairs immediately and put on my most low-cut, revealing top to “give them a taste of their own medicine.” As my boyfriend watched in utter disbelief, I complied, and came back down with the girls-a-go-go. I didn’t really get the whole idea though – go show them your boobs and they’ll see how uncomfortable it is? They’ll get jealous? You’ll get attacked? Probably spill some wing sauce down your chicken breasts (note: I do not have chicken breasts but rather glorious American fun-bags)?

Anyway, I think my boobs changed the world that day (I’ll call that date Boobquake 2005). I would like to take this moment to thank God, for giving me this amazing rack, and my mom, for pimping them out for the betterment of the female condition. Also, I would like to thank one of the senior staff members at the church camp I was a counselor for – for making me change my one-piece swimsuit because it was too “scandalous” for these young boys. Yes, I said one-piece. My body’s too BOOBILICIOUS for church camp.

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“Here Dickey”

So the most bizarre thing just happened to me. I was posting a link to my last post on the book of faces, when the “type in random word” dialogue box popped up. The weird part is that the words were “Here Dickey” – weird because my grandfather just passed away two weeks ago and his name was Dick, and we called him Dickey. Well, that’s not his birth name. He was Richard Aubin Bennett but apparently there were a billion “Richards” in his elementary class so one of them went by Richard, another Rich, Ricky, Rick, and then Dick.

Pappy, as the grandkids affectionately called him, was known for sending out these ridiculous chain emails which, at the time, were slightly annoying but now I find them rather endearing. They were either about how the best generation of America is dying, what it means to be a “good American” (our ideas on this one weren’t always aligned), and lots of pictures of military planes (he was a pilot in the Air Force).

Here’s one of the more innocuous emails:

Subject: 1909 FORD Model R

THE YEAR 1909
This will boggle your mind, I know it did mine!
The year is 1909. One hundred years ago.
What a difference a century makes!
Here are some statistics for the Year 1909 :
************ ********* ********* ******
The average life expectancy was 47 years.

Only 14 percent of the homes had a bathtub.

Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.

There were only 8,000 cars and only

144 miles of paved roads.

The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.

The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower

The average wage in 1909 was 22 cents per hour.

The average worker made between $200 and $400 per year .

A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year,
A dentist $2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.

More than 95 percent of all births took place at HOME.

Ninety percent of all doctors had

NO COLLEGE EDUCATION!

Instead, they attended so-called medical schools, many of which

Were condemned in the press AND the government as ‘substandard. ‘
Sugar cost four cents a pound.

Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.

Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.

Most women only washed their hair  once a month, and used

Borax or egg yolks for shampoo.
Canada passed a law that prohibited poor people from

Entering into their country for any reason.
Five leading causes of death were:

1. Pneumonia and influenza
2. Tuberculosis
3. Diarrhea
4. Heart disease
5. Stroke

The American flag had 45 stars.
The population of Las Vegas, Nevada, was only 30!!!!
Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and ice tea

Hadn’t been invented yet.
There was no Mother’s Day or Father’s Day.
Two out of every 10 adults couldn’t read or write.

Only 6 percent of all Americans had

Graduated from high school.
Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at the local corner drugstores. Back then pharmacists said, “Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind,regulates the stomach and bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health.”

 

( Shocking? DUH! )
Eighteen percent of households had at least

One full-time servant or domestic help.
There were about 230 reported murders in the ENTIRE U.S.A.!

More douchebags cheating

Yeah yeah yeah it’s been a while since I’ve posted something but I’ve been really busy trying to get the taste of Bacon Truffle Caramel Popcorn out of my mouth. (Really this is the most vile and disturbing taste ever.)

So it seems like the only thing that’s going on in the news these days are big ol’ douchebags cheating on their wives. The one that really interests me though is the Sandra Bullock – Jesse James debacle. So recently there  a picture of Jesse in Nazi gear and giving the Nazi salute (ya know, like ya do).

So, yeah, Jesse James is a racist douchebag. Is anyone REALLY all that surprised?! I mean, he claims to be related to that cool Jesse James – you know, the one that was an American outlaw , gang leader, bank and train robber, and murderer – but no one can find ACTUAL evidence. But anywho, it has now come out that he and Sandy secretly adopted a little black boy from New Orleans. But now, Sandy will gain full custody through their divorce and become a single mom.

Thanks GOD for that poor child. I mean, really, how healthy would it have been for a Nazi-paraphenalia-loving motorcycle junkie to raise a black child. What could POSSIBLY go wrong?!

A little life imitating art, Sandra? (Blind Side sucked.)