10 Things I Learned From “New Moon”

  1. 30 seconds is wayyy too long to have a slow-mo walking shot of anyone… even vampires.
  2. 13-year-old girls should not be allowed into movie theaters is there are people over 15 present.
  3. The least most intimidating line in movie history is Taylor Lautner saying, “Don’t make me mad! Things. Could. Get. Ugly.”
  4. Kristen Stewart peaked with Panic Room.
  5. People obviously don’t understand the difference between a werewolf and a shape-shifter… Losers.
  6. Teenage angst really makes me want to punch someone in the throat and make someone eat a cupcake. It’s physically impossible to be all mopey when you’re eating a cupcake. That is science.
  7. The fact that during 80% of the serious moments in the movie, the entire audience erupted into laughter means that either this is one of the worst movies ever created, or this is the worst movie ever created.
  8. I would normally complain about paying $12.50 to see this piece of garbage, but Jacob Black (and yes I am distinguishing between the character and the actor… screw Taylor Lautner) is pretty delicious without his shirt on. But this is also why 13-year-old girls should not be allowed into a theater with us grown as women in attendance.
  9. Movie popcorn makes my tummy hurt.
  10. Never admit to anyone that you paid money to watch New Moon.
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3 thoughts on “10 Things I Learned From “New Moon”

  1. Sarah says:

    Yes, seeing it at the Alamo Drafthouse was awesome bc they don’t let under-18 in! And the ridiculous of the movie is what makes it so fun! but, yes, thank god Jacob looked so goddamn amazing with his shirt off. I loved when he unneccessarily took off his shirt to stop her bleeding — hilarious/hawt.

  2. mobennett says:

    Haha that’s what I would have done! Another amazing scene was the “look into the future” and Bella and Edward are straight up frolicking in the woods.

  3. When the first shot was that huge fucking moon, Nona and I completely lost it.

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